Today, I travelled back in time. As you well know, my flux capacitor has been faulty for some time so I'm not quite sure how it happened. As I travelled to Exeter (again), I noticed that the cars that I overtook were getting older and older. By the time I had passed Stone Henge, the cars were so old, I thought I had accidently driven into a filming of a chase scene for Heartbeat (starring Nick Berry). I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation so I satisfied myself by ramming the cars off the road. At first I felt a little guilty at the deaths I may have caused but then I thought that all the drivers were probably over 80 and therefore not really people as we know them.
After returning to the present, I checked into my hotel and uncomfortably held a conversation with the gay guy behind the desk. These noises occured:
Me: I would like to check in, please.
Him: Oooooh I bet you would. I bet you want to check right into my pants.
Me: I errr, no. I really want a room.
Him: I was only joking you silly sausage.
Me: silly what?
Him: I mean you are not even my type!
Me: What is your type?
Him: Well I like big strong-
Me: Never mind. I don't care.
Him: We could have a drink if you like?
Me: I'm married...
Him: Happily? Could be a ruse?
Me: No ruse. I'm proper in love.... with a woman.... Tits and everything!
Him: Hmmmm. Well you know where I am if you change your mind.
Me: No I don't.
Him: I actually live just-
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Him:.......
Me:.......
Him: I live just off ba-
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Him: sir?
Me: BLAH.... I mean, yes?
Him: Breakfast is at 7am.
Me: Thanks...
I will never get Gordon Browns job if people hear that I am a homophobe.
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