1st June - East is East

In my line of work, there is a lot of travelling. The same applies for my marriage. We regulary visit the wifes place of birth by navigating this glorious city to get to East London. As we stop-started our way to E17, I commented to Koulla about how inefficient I was making my car work. I explained the mechanics on the Audi engine and how miles per gallon was calculated. She expressed her lack of interest by shrugging and then sticking chewing gum in my hair. She fell asleep as we crossed the Thames so I used the opportunity to draw fake moustache on her face. As I type, she still has not noticed.

I impressed the in-laws with stories of my importance. I told them that the world economy would cease if I stopped doing my thing. My mother in law stared at me blankly and then calmly said the following to her daughter:

"If you left him, you would be a lot happier!"

Koulla agreed. I sulked for the remainder of our visit.

We got home and I continued my petulance by playing Mario Kart. In a nail biting race, Koulla calmly stepped in front of me, messing up my rankings and earning me the silver medal. It's bad enough trying to play with our gender confused budgie picking wax out of my ear without the wife ruining what good times I have left in my life! I expressed my anger by urinating in her new Cath Kidston bag. Pointless artefact made out of waterproof table cloth!

Andy said I should forgive her and that women don't understand the complexities of computer games. As if reading Andy's mind, Koulla brought me a tea. At this stage, I considered that she wasn't a bad person and does care for me. That was until I realised the tea was made with cold water. There are Columbian slum inhabitants living a better life than me.