11th May

Sundays are usually dedicated to Christ and his buddies (except Judas who didn't play nice), but this Sunday was dedicated Alex Ferguson and his minions (players). I'll be honest, If we'd lost the league, I probably wouldn't haved blogged any more but as it turned out we (WARNING: SPOILER) won.

But before we get to the football, lets talk about my transexual pet budgie Frosty. He/she is following me around the house. It keeps dive bombing me whilst I'm sat at my computer and when im covering pringles in a thin layer of cellotape. I think it's been hypnotised into believing that its a japanese suicide bomber. Kamekaze I think they are called. I picture him while im at work, putting a bandana on and making budhist prayers whilst staring at crude drawings of the Enterprise and Nimitz. I confronted Koulla about her recent hypnosis lessons. She denied it and then made me eat an onion.

So the grass needed cutting again. So I cut it again. I thought about hiring a sheep and letting it eat through the grass. Theres a niche, I think. You cannot rent any sheep on the yellow pages! maybe you can teach one to use a hedge trimmer too.

So the football started and it was all nerves. I think I have angina. I had crushing chest pains throughout the match. Turned out that my brother had secretly thumping me in the ribs everytime Heskey jumped for a header. We decided to call my Dad abroad to brag about victory. He was a good sport about it all but said that when he returned, he was going to give me a thrashing of my life. As always, my mother will pretend that all was normal.

With victory, we all decided to celebrate with a visit to Nandos. When people say Nandos to me, I'm reminded of the childrens charity; Barnardos. I thought about all the abused children choosing from a variety of spicy sauces before they are rehoused with bitter foster parents.
In Nandos, my nephew thought it would be funny to scream as loud as he could. He did and all the other patrons in the restaurant thought it was sweet with looks of "aww isnt he cute". Deep down I bet they were all just choking on their nandos olives and nuts. Aw we were leaving, the Polish waiter said something along the lines of "Ah there goes the new Pavaroti!".
I nearly replied with; "Dude! Are you even allowed to work in here?"
As it turned out, I said "yes isn't he great? Thanks for the great service!" I'm such a tool. I die a little inside when i say stuff like that.

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully there will be no meetings as I am becoming a liability to the company. Tomorrow I will install stuff dressed as a Clown and talking in Hebrew. If that doesn't fuck the customer off then nothing will.