16th May

Got to work particularly early today. Andy looked so shocked he nearly spilt his morning pepsi max. Andy drinks a lot of pepsi max. He once told me that if he didn't drink any he got severe head aches. I've googlized but there is no help groups for those addicted to pepsi max. His piss must be fizzier than a corpse in a tub of sulphuric acid.

The afternoon had me partaking in a rather long conference call with about 10 other people. I kept pretty silent throughout except when Ade made a geek joke about a type of fibre connection which is for large disatances. He called it the "intergalatic" link. All the participants on the conference call laughed except Sophie. Miserable cow.

Today was my nieces birthday so we all paid her a visit at my brothers house who kindly cooked for us. It was all going well until my sis in law smashed a glass all over the kitchen. I didn't know she was a Rangers fan. Thank god the tv was working, she might have rampaged through the house if it had packed up. My brother, Mike has been growing a beard for a while now and its starting to look really stupid. He looks a little like uncle Albert from "Only fools and horses". We annoyed him by singing the song by Paul McCartney titled; "I'm so sorry, Uncle Albert" (available on iTunes). We continued this until he cried a little. My mum will go nuts when she sees his beard. She hates them. I think it's something to do with the velcro effect. I've never investigated this aversion of hers.

We waited for Sarah Jessica Parker to show up on the Jonathan Ross show. Koulla was so tired that she fell asleep in my arms. I waited for her to be in a proper deep slumber. when I was sure that she would not wake up, I rifled through her purse and took the following:

£4 in change
3 polos
2 first class stamps
a knuckle duster.

I call this husband tax. I believe I'm allowed to do this as it has been law since Edward the 1st said it was ok. To be honest, I think I deserve it seeing as she has crushed my soul and ruined my life. Tomorrow I may make her breakfast in bed.

Tomorrow should be good. Andy, Zack and I are going to a pseudo bar-b-q type party. I might go in my spiderman outfit and rabbit punch anyone who does not call me "Spidey". I will get to see Andys Chameleon. I hope it doesn't turn pink when I hold it. My secret might be out. If it does, I will kill all witnesses. It's the only way to be sure.