This morning, I had breakfast with Sophie, Ade and Sini in the hotel. Ade made me re-arrange my bacon and scrambled eggs into a set of balls and knob. It took a while but I achieved my goal and triumphantly showed my work to my peers. The breakfast waitress looked on in a disgusted fashion. I doubt that I will be able to stay here again.
Back in my room, I put on my favourite suit, ready for the plethora of meetings we had. I pulled on the matching socks and was horrified when I realised that they were Koullas tiny little socks. I had no choice. I had to wear them and I reasoned with myself that it wasn't like I was wearing her stockings! Koulla has stupid small feet. I felt odd in those tiny bits of material.
Alot of the meetings required no input from Sini and I. I stiffled yawns throughout which must have looked like I had been crying to the customer. Sini actually nodded off. His unprofessionalism made me sick. I noticed that Sophie was scribbling notes all day. I suspected that there was nothing of value on the pad. I leaned over to see what it was she was writing and I realised with shock that she was drawing a design for a super computer not unlike the one Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor) does in Super man 3.
The drive home was horrible. There was traffic and rain. Sinisa taught us a folk love song in Serbo-Croatian. It was about loving some chick called Natalie. After we got bored with that song, I asked him to teach us "Club Tropicana" in his language. He refused. Ade and I were both disappointed. We stopped at Fleet services to get a Burger king. We must have looked like travelling salesman all dressed smart, eating fast food.
When we finally got home, Ade and Sini came in for a cup of tea. They argued over who was being more horrible to each other that day. The long drives had made us stir crazy. I half expected it to escalate to violence. Sinisa commented on Koullas hair looking nice. She beamed with pride and thanked him for the compliment. I rolled my eyes and suggested that it was only because she had combed it for a change. Ade and Sini shuffled uncomfortably as she countered with a trivial fact about me being fat. I'm not fat. It's fucking muscle! I told her so. Tomorrow I start a vigorous excercise regime.
1 comment:
I was grateful for the tea and sit down at your house - Koulla makes good tea that's for sure. Sini told me after we left that it was shit and he hated Frosty, then mumbled the whole way home in his stupid foreign.
I couldn't believe just how unpleasant Sini was to me on this trip - he missed no opportunity to mock me and punched me, proper hard, in the back every time he walked past me to go to the toilet during meetings, which was every 10 minutes when he wasn't fucking sleeping.
He's an ungrateful git - Alex and I were very careful not to point out his repeated mangling of the English language "Mate, where is The Stonehenge?" or his lengthy description of the movie "The Butterfly Effect" which turned out to be "Final Destination" - knobber.
I thought he and I were like seperated brothers, East meets West, love across the barricades, bonded for life, that sort of thing. Turns out he's like a Croatian version of Hitler.
Oh - and that sneaky comment about Koulla's hair looking nice? All planned - just one of his many smooth techniques for stealing our women.
I vote we make him drive next time so I can pin stuff to the back of his head.
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