JOY! LONDON!
Ok its not that exciting but I like doing jobs in the city. After getting on the tube, comfortable in the knowledge that I couldnt smell ciapatti flour and explosives anywhere in the carriage I settled down to read an racy issue of the metro. At Kennington, an old dude got on looking really uncomfortable. I thought about being different and letting him sit on my lap. Just as I was about to pipe up and say "'ere guv, you can sit on me lap if you wants!", another guy let him sit down in his seat. I felt guilty. I fell asleep until i got to my stop.
Walking through that horrendous 60's mess of the Barbican, I noticed there were lots of toddlers around. As I walked down a raised walkway, a little girl dressed in a balerina outfit ran in my direction shouting "IN MY WAY!". I smiled sweetly at her pram pushing mother. She smiled back. I wondered if she would smile if I drop kicked the child into the water below. Now theres a thought crime if ever i've expressed one!
The customer and I had lunch in Bonhill graveyard. When he suggested this I thought he was going to murder me but when we got there, I saw how popular a place it was for the local workers. I dropped a bit of tomato from my greek salad on a tombstone for Edith, beloved Wife aged 76.
After another days successful work, I headed home.I called Koulla who asked me to pick up some Dolmio sauce. I hate pasta so she always makes ricey bolognese for me. In the co-op, I saw the product she needed and wondered if those joke cans that shoot fake snakes out still existed. I asked at the counter. I got no answer. I tried the Spar and local shop. Nothing. I resigned myself to buying a standard jar of dolmio sauce. I got home and waited for her to open the Jar. When the seal popped, I hissed as loud as I could. Not even a reaction. I'm a shit husband.
I have to chuck the rubbish out, now. It's the highlight of my week. Organising the recycle bins is like an episode of krypton factor. last week, the bin men kindly left me a score sheet with marks out of ten for my recycling skills. I got a 7 with a little star for good effort. I really want to beat last weeks score.
1 comment:
Spazmonkey.
I too enjoy very much thinking about letting old, disabled or Welsh people have my seat on the tube, then not actually doing it. I think it's because if I were to do so, the ever present yoof would immediately single me out as weak and nick my mobile phone when I got off.
Or it could be because I'm a selfish cunt, and really good at pretending to read something and not notice the pregnant lady struggling to stay on her feet as the train lurches from side to side.
I think it's really sweet how you try to think up surprises for your lovely wife with such regularity. If ever you're really stuck, just invite me round for dinner - I'd bring a big surprise with me which would make her eyes pop out of her head.
It's an old Sinclair Spectrum in full working order, boxed as new with the tape player and cables. Women can't get enough of it.
Thanks for fighting the fight out there today Spalio - I was backing you up from my home office, that is I was playing GTA4 and wanking. At the same time.
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