26th May

Rain rain, go away, come back here another day!

I have a problem with this statement; We used to tell the rain to fuck off to Spain. When did that stop?

Today was a washout. I think it only stopped raining briefly for that fox to come and have a dump dead centre in my garden. Im convinced that him and his mates have a contest to see who can get it right in the middle. If you look closely, you can see that they are wearing blindfolds and can hear the other foxes jeering him on. I think i will cover the grass in chilli powder and see how much pooing is done.

Not really having much to do on a bank holiday meant that there isn't much material for this blog which is a shame. As always I made a nuisance of myself in odd ways. I threw myself downstairs several times and after each tumble, I pressed my ears against the wall to hear if the neighbours were concerned for my well being. They were not. Evil bastards. After the third fall, I could have sworn I heard the lady next door say, "I hope he severs an artery next time!" Popping my shoulder back into its socket (a la Riggs), I sat next to the wife who was watching some benile program about the practical uses of cheese.

I huffed liked a bored school boy until Koulla suggested that we kill time with afternoon coitus. I told her that I would rather eat crisps. She asked what flavour and I replied, "ready salted". She hasn't spoken to me since. Apparently that was the worst insult to make. I made a mental note to say frazzles next time.

Back to work tomorrow. But more importantly, the parents get home from their extended super-bastard holiday. I've missed them but for the sake of mirth, when I see them, I will stare at them both disgustedly as if they had just killed a bunch of kittens. I hope they brought me something back. Some beef jerky maybe. Here's hoping.